Worst Essays Funny

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Often times, it is the only way a student can get his or her voice heard.

The application itself provides the biographical information: class rank, SAT scores, class choices, and community service.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at p.m. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

For me, the road to self-actualization began the first time I ever set something on fire. I have many interests, including but not limited to sharks, bread, and the Archduke Franz Ferdinand. A problem I would like to solve is global poverty, and also the rampant misconception that Thin Mints are the best Girl Scout Cookie when clearly it is Tagalongs.

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The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

My favorite book is the one I’m going to write some day.

If I could bring anyone from history back to life, it would be the fearsome pirate Blackbeard.

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